outofmymind: fertig mit der welt - (leverage) so many things i shouldn't have missed (mad world)
the feeling of a sword of Damocles hanging over me just gets more intense. the moment of it falling is undeniably coming closer. I don't know if I can dodge it or even should. I spend the last days practically paralysed, unsure what to do, unable to act. staring at stuff neither hearing nor seing anything really. messing my life up even more than I feel it is.
now I am getting restless. next phase *hurray rabbit hole* what now? running in circles still not knowing what to do? waiting for the panic attack and run in circles gasping and crying. can hardly wait..
outofmymind: parker, the crazy chick. (Default)
options so far:
x jump from building - doesn't seem wise. also: might hurt.
x ignore everything - makes the whole affair probably worse.
x find yummy things in medicine cabinet and just go to town - seems also unwise. probably leads to injury of some kind and defaults back to point two.
x empty alcohol shelf -  seems also unwise. probably leads to injury of some kind and defaults back to point two. again.
x find someone to take my place and make any kind of decision - nicer idea. where t find and would they make a good decision? 
x give up and go with the flow - can't be worse than situation now. just filled with other things I hate and people. urgh.
x .. I got nothin. 

"You leave the honey-den, forlorn and disappointed." 
outofmymind: music notes bubbling up from a top hat (music)
Another one of those days. To say it in a song, I need to 'remember to forget'. I put on one of my comfort movies and re-watched my favourite scenes for those feelings and the music. I think big part of making that movie great for me is the music. [It's an indie production called Shelter.]
Anyways, calling songs of the day 'More Than This' and 'Lie to Me'.

Yes, heartstring ones again. I cannot keep away. On days like these they tear me up. Comfort songs with nice stories. Sometimes my life feels like this, so you see how I always get back here. But one thing I am never certain about is which side in 'Lie to Me' I am on..
outofmymind: music notes bubbling up from a top hat (music)
when mother calls it often drags me down. I shouldn't let it but she has the power to make me feel half an inch tall with two sentences. makes you wanna pull the blanket over your head and forget the whole damn world exists. makes me feeling like linkin park. I searched for that line in my head for half an hour. it's from numb/encore.
"I'm becoming this. all I want to do is be more like me and be less like you. "
although so many linkin park songs make you wanna scream it all out (eg Crawling, Points of Authority, Bleed it Out, Papercut..) I should make a playlist again..


outofmymind: parker, the crazy chick. (Default)

February 2015

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