outofmymind: fertig mit der welt - (leverage) so many things i shouldn't have missed (mad world)
 For a few days I had this song coming a little closer. Now I have been singing this one line for hours and hours. It's turning over and from left to right and in on itself and back again in my head. I think I have the voice but I am unusually missing any other line before or after. It's just not getting any better. This sad voice and sad line. Again and again.
It's just not getting any better. 
It's not getting any better. 
outofmymind: fertig mit der welt - (leverage) so many things i shouldn't have missed (mad world)
I freakin dislike myself for being so drifting, undecided, unsure and insecure in this world. 
I don't know, okay. I don't know what to do, what could be good or bad. not right. I know some things that are bad for me, which is bad because they are not for most other people. and no, conforming is not that easy. not now, maybe not ever.
so, what am I doing then? decisions need to be made. somehow.
outofmymind: that's it, baby. you'll learn soon enough. (age of the geek)
EDIT: added some pictures in the end so the background show seems more like a show ^^.

 so I customized my desktop over several days nights with a cool theme I named potato game grunge. if you keep going and wanna read the details, you will get why. maybe some people already do....
anyway this is what it looks like
 my desktop atm balck/white theme with a potato pic and rainmeter apps
 (uhm.. okay. photo on internet. yeah, this is my old wordpress thingy. yes dreamwidth, please work on that picture hosting thing of yours.)

loads of boring details and links, but also some pictures at the end )
 I think I am set for now. I learned a bunch *phew*  and managed not to break anything (yet). we'll see if I find other little things I change or I make a different theme. later.. rest now. ah btw, I adjusted my backgrounds again to lighter ones so I can see the apps. its a few from the pack and new ones from angerina I found.
 just saying it again because it's what I love, use, enjoy and admire. angerina warpride makes awesome little potato images which I guess started back when WoodenPotatoes did a daily video series before and for the launch of GuildWars2.
 I have to admit though, while working I watched different LPs, both other games and gamers. *defends herself* only because I have listened to each VisualWood propably a few times at this point and need a teeny tiny break. today is sunday! I'll be there! okay, right now I am watching the Ni no Kuni LP by Special Attack (he has a nice voice, cares about the story [both a big plus for me], a guest commentator ^^. he also did a LP of FFXIV I watched. right, I do forget to mention the game was animated by Studio Ghibli and has music by Joe Hisashi! must watch! and absolutely adorable! if I want one console game to come to android, and am prepared to pay a sum for, it's this one!) 

 /bow and goodnight ^^/
outofmymind: parker, the crazy chick. (Default)
options so far:
x jump from building - doesn't seem wise. also: might hurt.
x ignore everything - makes the whole affair probably worse.
x find yummy things in medicine cabinet and just go to town - seems also unwise. probably leads to injury of some kind and defaults back to point two.
x empty alcohol shelf -  seems also unwise. probably leads to injury of some kind and defaults back to point two. again.
x find someone to take my place and make any kind of decision - nicer idea. where t find and would they make a good decision? 
x give up and go with the flow - can't be worse than situation now. just filled with other things I hate and people. urgh.
x .. I got nothin. 

"You leave the honey-den, forlorn and disappointed." 
outofmymind: music notes bubbling up from a top hat (music)
In a big effort to find all my 'mad world songs' - which was a playlist of super sad stuff I played when I needed it and/or vent those feelings and/or cry or other emotional baggage-problem-type-of-things - I found this one again. it fits because it correlates well with a story I had in my head the last few days (that is when I was awake thinking about it and trying to sleep, kinda dreaming about it).
I came across this song first when I watched a (very well done and emotional) episode of 'Grey's Anatomy' a few years back. The moment, the story for this song and the way Sara Ramirez sang it were absolutely astonishing. I remember sitting there watching and sobbing.
Later I listened to the original which is also brilliant and bringing me to tears every time I hear it, though the feeling in this version seems somewhat different to me. 
Any way.. this song was in that playlist. half an hour of misery and tears. marvellous.
outofmymind: fertig mit der welt - (leverage) so many things i shouldn't have missed (mad world)
since I find myself in a phase of bad sleep rhythm once again you can read the ramble I have about that, or (might be better) not )

well, there sometimes is need for the hurting and pulling-your-heartstrings kind of music which includes this song for me.
Counting Crows - Colorblind
There are many things to say about 'I am fine.' but I guess my friends already had a version that explains it better than I could right now.
fine is not finefine on a scale

The feeling in the song is just perfect for those moments you have no idea what you feel and are a bit lost. Every now and then I really need it.

outofmymind: music notes bubbling up from a top hat (music)
I call 'Name' by Mucc for my drive to the family for Christmas. After a wonderful quiet opening on the compilation I put in, that song started and I was immediately like 'Oh wow, that's Mucc. Love!' it put me in a wonderful mindset for the long drive which was largely accompanied by old Christmas songs. good grief; who knew the Sex Pistols sang 'Jingle Bells'? *loony grin*
(yes, the 'Smells like Snowman' by a JRock fan I know by the name of chasefaster (who's blog sadly got deleted))

now I also know it has nice lyrics *smile*

'Thank God It's Christmas' and a weird discussion with mother about Freddie M. also reminded me of 'These Are The Days Of Our Lives' (by Queen if you haven't already guessed and then also shame on you). that song pulls on my heartstrings even if it is only playing in my head right now. (maybe that's a good thing) - yes travelling elsewhere keeps me from running to the pc/ music pile and putting up the things I think about - I think about the way it sounds and the melancholy lyrics, all that stuff surrounding the song that gets me and it is just a heaping lot. but for me it's also all in the song itself and I will always connect all that because I learned about that song just that way and I also learned to love it with a tear in the corner of my eye.

rambling because of übermüdetheit again.. sorry. what a long day
outofmymind: done and accomplished (been there done that)
since yesterday was yesterday and things happened like they did, I have to tell Rún's story now. And no, she wouldn't do it herself, she doesn't like talking about herself. especially to a broader audience, many of who she might not even know.

Well Rún Thjòfr is my eldest. The fact that she is the first makes her hold a very special place in my heart. She is the quietest of my adorable bunch and usually very calm and composed. but do not be fooled, that girl has a ferocious streak in her and she doesn't like to be told what to do. Not anymore. She fought so hard to stand on and for her own and she deserves it. that girl has 'Been there, done that'.
If you want to read the quite long and personal story. ) 
she is a thief. she has secrets, she sneaks around and steals from you the moment you don't look. she sneaks up on you like a shadow in the corner of your eye. she can also burst you down and make your head spin with her acrobatics and trickery and moving like the wind. if you think she goes down she might either kill you right away or disappear into the shadows to do it when you expect her gone and yourself save. look out, this is my damn wonderful girl!
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