(no subject)

the feeling of a sword of Damocles hanging over me just gets more intense. the moment of it falling is undeniably coming closer. I don't know if I can dodge it or even should. I spend the last days practically paralysed, unsure what to do, unable to act. staring at stuff neither hearing nor seing anything really. messing my life up even more than I feel it is.
now I am getting restless. next phase *hurray rabbit hole* what now? running in circles still not knowing what to do? waiting for the panic attack and run in circles gasping and crying. can hardly wait..