urgh

[outofmymind]

I freakin dislike myself for being so drifting, undecided, unsure and insecure in this world. 
I don't know, okay. I don't know what to do, what could be good or bad. not right. I know some things that are bad for me, which is bad because they are not for most other people. and no, conforming is not that easy. not now, maybe not ever.
so, what am I doing then? decisions need to be made. somehow.

Comments

[sevilemar]

Ok honey, but the only one who can do something about it is you. I can't do anything, your mother/sister/whoever can't do anything. The only one who can change this is you. And if you can't do it alone, get help. And if what is on offer from friends and family is not enough, get professional help. You cannot blame circumstance/the world/your childhood/your experiences/family/friends/other people indefinitely. Some day, if you want to change something about you, you have to do it yourself. When that day comes, I'll be there, I'll go with you.

Until that day, I'll be what I've always been, your friend.

[outofmymind]

I am way past blaming. just very angry at and disappointed in myself sometimes. again, midnight-madness; shake it off when the sun comes up and move on, no matter how empty you feel inside.
the troubles lie within me, so I am the one who owns and knows them, can try to tame them and lives with them.

[outofmymind]

“Part of the problem with the word 'disabilities' is that it immediately suggests an inability to see or hear or walk or do other things that many of us take for granted. But what of people who can't feel? Or talk about their feelings? Or manage their feelings in constructive ways? What of people who aren't able to form close and strong relationships? And people who cannot find fulfillment in their lives, or those who have lost hope, who live in disappointment and bitterness and find in life no joy, no love? These, it seems to me, are the real disabilities.”
― Fred Rogers, The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember